Monday, July 28, 2014

Now we are here...

We arrived in Cleveland on June 17th but for the sake of chronicling holidays, farewells and various events in the order that they occurred, posts written just after our arrival are only now seeing the light of day. I'm looking forward to hopefully blogging in real time again soon!

We've landed. We're here to stay.

I'm going to struggle to describe the emotions I'm experiencing as the combination of overwhelmed and underwhelmed simultaneously is curious and confounding.

I just left behind a full and fulfilling life of work, friends, school and community. I spent my final weeks in Canberra scurrying about sorting and packing and finalising work and most importantly, honoring the relationships that I'd developed and nurtured over the last eight and a half years. I had coffees with friends and colleagues and play dates with families and said the things to people that we all should say more often. I love you. You have meant so much to me. I'm so glad I had the chance to know you. You've taught me so much.

And now that's all done.

It's all on the other side of the world.

And for that my heart hurts.

But because it happened, my heart is full and I am grateful.

In the here and now, the pace of life has changed dramatically. We are horribly jet lagged but surrounded by family who are happy to have us back and probably only now believe that we've actually returned. And we are glad to be in their company.

I have ten million and one details to sort out. Buy a car, get medical insurance, get a new phone, find a home, furnish a home, network and look for jobs, research and choose a school for Riker, visit family in Minnesota, and the list goes on and on.

Yet amidst the giant to-do list that is establishing a new life in a familiar yet unfamiliar place, there is an emptiness. The emptiness that comes with having left behind people, a place and work that I loved. Things that give a sense of purpose and schedule to daily life. I am (mostly) confident that we've made the right decision in a big picture sense and that these things will slowly develop here but for now, those things that give structure to daily life are missing. Maybe it's just the lack of routine that leaves me feeling adrift and I remind myself to embrace days that aren't overflowing for once. Whatever it is, I can't help but feel unsettled and uprooted, uncertain and impatient. So much to do, yet where to start reestablishing the entirety of life?

From others who've relocated their lives overseas, I am reminded to take it slowly. Baby steps. It will take time, but it will happen. For someone who likes to make things happen and tick things off the list, this is difficult to implement. But I will do my best to remember that it will all unfold as it should. And it will be good.

I will make it good.

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